


When all the leaves begin to fall

by pseudofoucault333



Series: The Ole Bandom fics :) [7]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Break Up, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, Kissing, M/M, Moving On, Moving Out, POV Male Character, Reference to a song, Smoking, Strained Friendships, Weddings, drunk!Ryan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 18:41:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2862851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudofoucault333/pseuds/pseudofoucault333
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Relationships seem to be a thing that neither Ryan or Brendon can keep for very long and yet on the night of Shane and Regan’s wedding the two might have just found who they were meant to be with all along.</p><p>Written 2008 and unbetaed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When all the leaves begin to fall

**Title:** When all the leaves begin to fall [s/a]  
 **Author:** lovin_torture // pseudofoucault333  
 **Rating:** R [to be safe]  
 **Pairing:** Ryden [Past Urievaldez  & Ryltie]  
 **POV:** Brendon  
 **Summary:** Relationships seem to be a thing that neither Ryan or Brendon can keep for very long and yet on the night of Shane and Regan’s wedding the two might have just found who they were meant to be with all along.  
 **Disclaimer:** I don’t own anyone in this story anymore than I own a single piece of clandestine merch *tear* Plot mostly based on fiction…i.e not real….but a girl can wish <3 Title © Hey Monday <3  
 **Author Notes:** Concrit appreciated and comments = cookies and Ryden Smut  <3

 

The night that it had happened I had been looking for nothing but to spend time with my lover before we got back to Vegas and he remembered his girlfriend's name. But when I had arrived in my hotel room where I expected to find him laid there waiting for me, instead I’d found a note on the dresser covered in his perfect and yet hard to read calligraphy. I can remember sitting on the edge of my bed and expecting it to tell me that he was in the shower waiting for me. That was the kind of considerate thing that Shane would do and yet instead it seemed other words were the ones he chose. Ones that said carefully how he’d gone back to Vegas early for Regan’s birthday. My heart seemed to sink deeper into my stomach than it normally would have done had he not been around. Yet the last sentence in the note seemed to be the one that really hit home.

_‘I'm going to ask her to marry me Bren.’_

My fingers seemed to have a mind of their own as they let the paper slip between them, causing a paper cut to sting at the curve of delicate skin between my thumb and index finger. I refused to believe that what I’d just read a millisecond ago was true. Why would he want to marry her? It had only been hours before that he was letting me suck him off in the bathroom at the venue, telling me how he was going to dump Regan as soon as we got back to our home state. What had changed?

I pushed myself off the bed and began to look around frantically in the closet, the bathroom, the drawers as though trying to tell myself he was playing a joke on me. That the Shane I knew and had been fucking for several months wouldn't ever dump me in the most cowardly way possible. Yet in the end I seemed to give up just as I was sitting on the floor to check under the bed, my head resting and face buried in the scratchy carpet. Somewhere along the way I must have fallen asleep, sobbing my eyes out because when I finally woke up and went to sort myself out in the mirror my eyes were red and my face was covered in tears. I spent a while cleaning up and turned the TV on, laying on my back and mindlessly watching whatever happened to be on.  


No-one called since I’d told them not to and that was how I stayed the entire night, trying to make myself forget whatever I thought me and Shane had had. He had made it clear just in that one sentence that he and Regan was what he wanted to happen. Never me and him, he’s just tolerated and played with me like some kind of child. I can barely remember the day after, I seemed to work like some kind of robot. Getting up, showering, dressing, packing and going down the corridor to meet with the others in Jon and Spencer’s room. I was in the cab to the airport before I could even blink.

When we arrived at McCarran International Airport both Regan and Shane were there to greet us which seemed like a dagger through my chest, I honest to god couldn't breath at the mere sight of him. The friend part of Shane, the Shane that could read me as easily as a book seemed to know that I wanted to run but he managed to grab my arm before I got my wish and steer me towards the baggage claim.

“Can you just let go of me?” I whined, trying to make him let go as hard as I could manage which was barely at all.

“Bren, I'm sorry,” he said, trying to make me look at him in a way which didn’t let a stranger or our friends know that we’d done more than any friend should.

“Don’t. Just let me go. I need to go hyperventilate if you don’t mind,” I said, keeping my gaze on the ground and finally prying his grip from my arm.

“Brendon don’t be so.”

“So what? What am I Shane? A Drama king? A Prima Donna? Your fucking experiment? You know I honestly couldn't care right now, just fuck off,” I snapped, walking towards the nearest bathroom and locking myself in a cubicle with my feet resting on the door so no-one could guess where I was.

No. I couldn't do this. I couldn't look at Shane as anything but the guy who had fucked me all the way from LA to New York in a tiny tour bus bathroom. It was impossible. I knew I should be happy for him, that he had finally taken that long awaited plunge with Regan. After all she deserved it, putting up with Dylan for months at a time while we were constantly in the media eye. But it didn’t stop the hurting in my chest. I sighed and rested my forehead against my knees, trying to make myself breath calmly and not burst into tears. That was when I heard the main door to the bathroom open and prayed it wasn’t Shane, there was no way I could avoid him.

“Brendon I know you’re in here. Stop being a Prima Donna and get out here.” 

Zack. Of course. When the others couldn't deal with my theatrics they always sent Zack to drag me out.

“I don’t wanna,” I murmured against my jeans.

“Brendon Boyd Urie get your ass out here now. Don’t make me kick the door down.”

I screwed my eyes closed and reluctantly got up. When Zack threatens to do something he will do it. He has made Fueled by Ramen pay for the damage done to at least fifty bathroom doors over the past two tours. I managed to take a breath and grab my bag before opening the door. Zack was stood with his arms crossed over his chest, giving me a look which was only enhanced by the raised eyebrow. Neither of us said anything as he opened the main bathroom door for me and gestured with a jerk of his head for me to go out. I did as he asked but kept my gaze on the ground like that of a naughty child. 

Zack ushered us all into a cab, he himself sitting in the front so all four of us ended up being squished in the back with Shane and Regan driving back in their own car. Spencer kept elbowing me in the eye and Jon seemed to be enjoying sitting over all three of our laps. Yet Ryan, like me, seemed to be in some kind of meltdown. We arrived at Ryan’s first, though he barely said anything, just waved a silent bye as Zack got his luggage out the back. Spencer and Jon returned the gesture but I was too fixated in my own little world to care. 

We arrived at mine next. Well not mine any more. I might as well just make the plans to move out as soon as possible. I waved at the others and gave Zack a weak smile when he handed me my bags. I walked up the path to the front door, taking my key out the flower pot where I had left it before I went on tour and opened the front door. Dylan appeared in a heartbeat, jumping up at me on her gangly limbs as though trying to make me fall over. She probably would have succeeded if I had been in any other kind of mood.

I threw the keys on the top of the bookcase beside the door holding Shane’s various accomplishments and scratched Dylan behind the ears before leading her to my room. I threw my bags to one side, closing the door behind me and throwing myself on my bed, whistling at Dylan until she jumped up beside me. She rested her head on my thighs like she knew there was something bothering me. The only person I could depend on at that moment in time. I scratched Dylan behind the ears and closed my eyes while staring at the ceiling of my room. Filled with my things and the few panic related objects that I was allowed to own. But it seemed to be cut short when I heard the footsteps in the hallway. Shane’s.

Dylan dived off the bed and immediately began scratching at the door to see her other master. 

I ignored her and heard Shane’s footsteps hesitated outside my door, before there was the inevitable sound of the doorknob being turned. I rolled on to my side so I was staring at my blank wall and heard Shane sigh behind me. When the door closed I knew he hadn’t gone. He just wanted to talk to me without Regan interrupting.

“Bren.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What? Why not? Just because I'm marrying Regan doesn't mean I'm not still your friend.”

“I don’t like ex-lovers calling me by my nickname.” 

“Look at me Bren, this is ridiculous!” 

I closed my eyes and kept my back to him, thinking he would give up and go back to playing the part of the perfect fiancé. Instead I felt his hand on my waist rolling me over, his hands pinning mine above my head as he straddled my body. It wasn’t fair, my body was getting aroused at this position. How could he use this against me?

“For fuck’s sake look at me!”

“Get off me. This isn’t how a fiancé acts Shane,” I said, bitterly.

His body seemed to grind against my own to make a point and I could feel my steeled body melting like Ice. _No. Brendon don’t._

“Don’t do this. You know how I feel about you. I just…”

“You feel it more for her. I get it.”

“This isn’t a competition!” 

“Love is a mother fucking competition! What? Did you never hear that song Shane?”

His grip on my wrists tightened but he avoided my gaze like he had no idea what to say.

“I’ll save you the trouble of even trying to make it up to me. I'm moving out as soon as I've packed and I'm taking Dylan.”

“What! No you can’t do that!”

“I can and am. Now get the hell off me!”

“Brendon you can’t make me choose!”

“I'm not. You've more of less chosen after what you said in that note. You obviously don’t love me as much as I do you,” I whispered, reluctantly meeting his gaze and seeing the hurt in his eyes.

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

I nodded silently, managing to get one hand out of his grip and using it to pull his lips to meet mine for the last time. He deepened it trying to make it an endless consolation prize, pulling back when he couldn't take it any more and resting his head against my chest. I watched him get off me and walk towards the door. 

As soon as he was gone the tears I’d been feeling all day finally took over me in a tidal wave. I curled up on the bed and sobbed my eyes out, never had I felt so alone before.When I finally had managed to catch my breath and ignore my throbbing headache, I grabbed my sidekick and began to look through my contacts for somewhere to stay. Some were cut out immediately due to them being in other states then I got to my local contacts. Jon and Spencer were living together so they could be a last resort, Ryan would probably have Keltie around a lot and Hobo didn’t get along well with Dylan. It seemed like the only people I had left were The Cab boys. From what I remembered Cash had a place of his own and they were doing a fair bit of touring, maybe he’d let me house sit for a while.

I pressed call on his number and began to push everything I owned into bags and boxes as I pinned the phone to my ear with my shoulder.

“Hey Bren.”

“Cash, hey man how’s it going?”

“Pretty good. Didn't expect to hear from you of all people until we were back in the state.”

“Yeah I know…Anyway I was wondering if I could ask a favour?”

“Depends what it is.”

“Ah ever the cautious one, we've taught you well. Well erm…Shane and his Mrs are engaged and I think I need to give them space so…”

“So you’re moving out?”

“Yeah, so I was thinking about maybe…staying yours a while until I find somewhere else?”

“Erm I guess that could work. I could do with someone to look after the place.”

“Thanks Cash I owe you one. Though one question, is it ok if I bring my dog?”

“Go for it. I’ll send you details for alarms and stuff now.”

“I seriously owe you one.”

“I’d better go Bren.”

“Sure later Cash.”

I hung up just as I finished packing and sighed as I stuffed the phone in the pocket of my jeans. I’d only just got back and I was on the move again. Yet deep down I knew it was for the best. Being around Shane and Regan as a couple of newly weds would only make things harder where my feelings were concerned. I began to pile everything in Shane’s car as well as Dylan’s things, though she didn’t seem as happy about leaving. I managed to coax her into the car with a bone and went to say my goodbyes. But when I did Regan said something I hadn't expected.

“…But you are coming to the wedding right?”

I looked at Shane who bit his lip, that was when it clicked. He’d wanted me to be his best man. Pfft, fat chance.

“Yeah, I’ll be there but not as a Bestie I'm afraid.”

“Oh that’s a shame, you were Shane’s first choice.”

I nodded and waved as I walked towards the car with Shane. He got in the drivers seat and me in the passenger, hushing a whining Dylan by stroking her softly despite the fact she was curled up in the foot well behind me.

“I can’t believe you were gonna just expect me to be a best man,” I said, glaring at him.

“Oh come on, you’re my best friend and asking anyone else would be so awkward!” He pleaded, looking at me with what had used to be an irresistible expression. Now it was just annoying.

“No. Ask someone who gives a shit about you two being happy, because you know as well as I do that asking the man you still love to stand up at the altar should only happen if _we’re_ engaged.”

“Not this again.”

“Yes this again. Do you love me or not?”

“You know I do.”

“Then don’t ask me to do it.”

He sighed but nodded, resting his head against the steering wheel.

“I'm sure you’ll find someone else. Besides I wasn’t even sure I was going to go. It’ll be a happy couple fest and you know how much of a freak I’ll feel.” I sighed, looking behind me at Dylan who looked on the verge of stress. 

“Come on Brendon! You have to at least make an appearance,” Shane said, looking at me but not starting the car. Oh sure, trap me why don’t you?

“Why should I? I mean how would you feel if I asked you to come to my wedding? Watching me flirting around with some bimbo who I obviously didn’t love as much as you and pretending to be something I'm obviously not?”

“That’s different!”

“No it’s not!”

“Yes it is! Because I know you would never get married let alone flirt around with someone else, no matter who their sex.” 

I rolled my eyes and sighed as I cast my gaze out the windscreen, arguing with him more than I had to at that moment seemed like a pointless task. He knew as well as I did that the more he tried to persuade me the more likely I was to give in. Why did I have to be so damned predictable?

“Can we just go now? Dylan is getting pretty restless.”

“Where am I taking you anyway?” he asked, though the tone which he used had me wondering if it was a good idea him taking me. What if he suddenly turned up on the doorstep in the middle of the night, wanting to fuck me senseless and pretend like he had never asked Regan that vital question. The rational part of me just assured me I’d deal with that if and when it happened. I just prayed deep, deep inside that it didn’t happen.

I reluctantly pulled a map out the glove compartment and straightened it out until I found the road that Cash lived on, the other side of Vegas pretty much.Well the other side of the Strip anyway. I pointed it out to Shane and watched the confused look appear on his face but he held his tongue as he started the car. The whole drive there he refused to take my no for a final answer in regards to me and the wedding. But as he yammered on about it not being the same without me, I managed to keep myself from banging my head against the dashboard or asking him to pull over so I could walk. 

Yet regardless, after unpacking all my possessions from the car and out the front of Cash’s Place and Shane saying a long goodbye to Dylan who began to whine, I could feel him looking at me reproachfully as though hoping he would be able to persuade me with just that look.

“Ugh fine I’ll be there. Just stop looking at me like that,” I sighed, hating myself for being so weak. Though it seemed worth it when his arms encircled me in a tight hug that made me remember all the hugs we had shared in bed after fucking each other. It was definitely bitter sweet in that I didn't want him to let me go or even leave me behind.Finally I made myself let go of him and watched him, with Dylan whining at my feet, as he got into his car and drove away.

As I searched for the spare key which Cash seemed to think was under a garden gnome, but he hadn't said which of the demented little creatures specifically, leaving me on my hands and knees lifting each one up and tipping it upside down, I couldn't believe that I’d given in like always. Knowing my luck I’d end up completely plastered, making out with one of his friends and embarrassing the hell out of him in the process. I was regretting it already.

Yet the months seemed to pass uneventfully since I moved out. At Shane’s I would have been at parties every night, meeting new friends or business partners of his. But at Cash’s the only excitement was when the others dragged me to the studio or when Cash and the other members of The Cab came back from tour. He agreed to let me stay permanently which is just as well considering he got pretty attached to Dylan. 

Soon the wedding was upon us after a rather weird bachelor party. I could have done better but I didn’t say a word, just kept a smile pinned on my face and a beer in my hand the whole time. Well aside from when I replaced the beer for something stronger. I remained tight lipped through the whole wedding ceremony, taking the odd glance at Ryan who was constantly typing messages on his sidekick to the point that his knuckles were turning white and ignoring the few mutual friends of ours that Shane invited who were crying or making a scene. It wasn’t until Ryan looked like he’d sucked a super sour lemon that I nudged Spencer and jerked my head at Ryan, causing him to bite his lip and whisper something Jon’s ear. As per-usual I'm kept out the loop.

At the reception the four of us were sat at a table with a few of the bridesmaids, and a few couples we knew from tours which made things less awkward. But I still refused to look at Shane or offer my congratulations when he and Regan came to the table to chat with everyone. It was then I decided I needed a cigarette break,a habit I had developed since the end of our last tour. The guys didn’t exactly encourage it, using all manner of reasons from I was a bad influence to I always stunk of smoke. Ugh, like anyone would find me attractive anyway. 

I made my way through the crowd to the opening of the gazebo and walked across the garden to the nearest bench. I leaned my back against the back of the bench and put the cigarette between my lips, pausing to loosen my bow tie and undo the top few buttons before lighting it. I pushed the lighter back into the pocket of my pants and took a big drag, closing my eyes as I let the smoke escape from between my lips. I sat like that for a while, taking another drag every so often until it was nothing but a butt getting smaller and smaller between my middle and ring finger. I managed to stub it out against the wall beside the bench without burning myself and riffled through my pockets until I found another cigarette. It was then I felt someone sitting beside me on the bench. I looked up from clicking my lighter a few times to see Jon, watching me with concern plainly painted on his face.

“Hey what’s up?” I asked, finally managing to light the cigarette.

“I was about to ask you the same thing.”

“Me? I'm fine! Really! I just needed some air,” I said, taking a short drag from the cigarette before offering it to Jon who wriggled his nose and shook his head.

“Bren me and Spencer are really wor….”

“So what’s the deal with Ryan?” I asked, anything to avoid hearing him saying for the millionth time how worried he and Spencer were about me since Shane and Regan got engaged. 

“The usual probably. Him and Keltie having a string of major fights. They’re on the verge of break up,” he sighed, watching me tap the end of the cigarette with my thumb to rid the end of some stray ash.

“Since when?” I asked with a frown.

“Since about Florida. He’ll deny it if you ask, but I'm sure he’s just so sick he wants to be rid of her now.”

I sighed and let a puff of smoke appear from my lips before biting my bottom lip.

“What are the fights about or don’t you know?”

“Last time it was travel. This time I have no idea,” he shrugged.

I nodded silently and brushed my fringe out my face with my free hand.

“You coming back in soon? Shane will be wondering where you are.”

“Pfft, no he won’t. He’s got his Mrs to worry about now but I’ll be in soon. I’ll probably have to get more smokes off someone.”

He rolled his eyes but got to his feet, leaving me to finish off my cigarette in peace.

I had just stubbed out my cigarette when I heard a rather angry voice bitching behind me. My curiosity seemed to get the better of me as I found myself getting up and following the voice which led me towards a rather stressed looking Ryan, pacing back and forth with his sidekick pinned to his ear.

“No. No you listen! For fuck’s sake can you shut up for one second? I have more to worry about than that at the moment! Yes I do! No It’s not that! Keltie! Keltie don’t you dare!” That was when he pulled the phone away from his ear like he’d been physically slapped and began to grumble to himself as he pushed his phone into his pocket.

“Things OK Ry?” I asked, tilting my head questioningly when he looked at me.

“Yeah. Perfect. Never better,” he grumbled, running his fingers through his hair before brushing past me in the direction of the gazebo.

I sighed and followed his lead, wishing I really didn’t have to. 

It seemed like hours that I sat like a wallflower at our table, watching everyone else on the dance floor keeping the happy couple out of my eye line which I have never been happier for. But as a few people began to sneak away I found myself emotionally tired beyond ignorance or repair. Might as well go while I still can. I got up and stuffed the cigarettes that Vicky T had handed me into the pocket of my jacket before putting it on. Then reluctantly I made my way towards Regan and Shane on the edge of the dance floor saying goodbye to a couple. I waited until the couple disappeared before smiling at the two.

“I've got to go now guys. Early flight back you know?” I said, kissing Regan on the cheek before pausing when I looked at Shane. Instead of kissing his cheek like normal I offered him my hand and saw him flinch as he slid his into mine, giving it a squeeze.

“It was so nice to have you here Bren,” smiled Regan, as Shane replaced his arm around her waist.

“Wouldn't have missed it for the world. Have a great Honeymoon OK? And I'm sure I’ll see you guys around Vegas some time yeah?” 

With that I walked away towards the exit, stuffing my hands into my pockets as I walked through the garden towards the hotel. There was bridesmaids making out with random guests pretty much everywhere; some of my friends had already left the party hours ago I was just glad I didn’t have to share a room with any of them.

But as I walked through the foyer towards the lift I spotted Ryan at the bar, a bottle of vodka sat on the bar beside him and his face buried in his hands. Despite the part of me that said I should just leave him to his alcoholic coma I reluctantly walked towards him and put his arm around my neck when he nearly fell off the stool. I put my arm around his waist for support, grabbing his hand around my neck to keep his arm in place before beginning the walk towards the lift. I could hear him murmuring Keltie’s name and the word 'bitch' under his breath but pretended not to as I assured him we’d get him up to his room soon.

I arrived on the floor that all the guest rooms were on and made Ryan lean against the wall as I pulled his key card out his pocket. I then led him down the corridor until we reached his room, making his head rest against my neck as I manoeuvred the key card to work properly. He nearly fell flat on his face on the ground, me grabbing him just in time and closing the door behind us as I helped him towards his bed. He fell back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling blankly, his sidekick ringing from his jacket pocket. I took it out his pocket and saw it was Jon, probably wondering where he’s disappeared to. I pressed ignore on Ryan’s phone and pulled out my own, sending Jon a quick message telling him I’d put Ryan to bed and not to worry. I then put both our sidekicks on the nearest dresser and helped Ryan get his shoes off. 

I put his shoes and jacket on the nearest chair before laying beside him on the bed, watching him breathing as his eyes closed. I don’t know what it was about me at that moment, but just watching him seemed to make him a little irresistible to me. He had a kind of young beauty to him despite his years which Shane had never ever had. Plus there was the knowledge that I would be his first yet I knew I was getting ahead of myself. Would he even let me? I bit my lip and let my hands rest under his chin, one soon moving as my index finger brushed over his lips teasingly like I was waiting to see what he would do. It was surprised at his reaction. His lips opened in a silent ’O’ as though he wanted to taste my finger. I swallowed and rolled off the bed. No. This is crazy. Ryan will wake up in the morning and not even remember what happened. But as I was about to walk towards the door I felt Ryan’s arm looping around my leg at the knee to stop me. Fuck. 

“Ry,” I said softly, to make sure he was in the least bit conscious. I wasn’t going to chance anything like I wanted to do if it would be meaningless and classified as rape. 

“Bren. What are you? How did I…?” He murmured, taking his arm off my leg and pushing himself to sit up right.

“I brought you up here after I saw you were a bit trashed. I was just gonna leave you to sleep now,” I said, with a smile as I grabbed my sidekick from the dresser and pushed it in my jacket.

“No. Don’t go. I…I could do with someone to talk to.”

“But I…”

“Please.”

I bit my lip at the irresistible way that his eyes were twinkling with the effects of so much alcohol and how his hair was currently a complete and utter mess. How his shirt was pretty much showing his chest tauntingly and how his fingers were brushing over the zip of his pants like he had no idea how to work it. Oh god, talk about a turn on in disguise.

“Ok…but only until you fall asleep.Then I need to go,” I said softly, slipping my own shoes and jacket off, grabbing a couple of cigarettes from the pocket before sitting on the bed beside him.

He didn’t say no when I offered him a cigarette, just let me put it between his fingers and light it for him before taking a deep puff. I watched transfixed and took it from him for my turn as he laid on his back with his talented fingers rested on his stomach.

“You know…me and Keltie broke up before,” he said wistfully, tilting his head back a little so he could watch me smoke.

“Really? What happened?” I asked, blowing the smoke out in front of me before putting the butt between his lips for him.

He waited a while as he took a drag and let it appear from his lips, handing the cigarette back before replying.

“Eh the usual. Her getting sick of not being my centre of the universe and me trying to explain how the music business works…never works though,” he sighed, reaching for cigarette when I was done.

“Girls are just as much trouble as guys. Believe me,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, taking the last couple of puffs before stubbing them out in the ashtray I put between us.

“So I heard about you and Shane from Spencer. I'm sorry,” he said when I didn’t say anything or light a new cigarette.

“Bound to happen eventually,” I shrugged, watching him roll on his stomach and watch me.

“Nah…Shane loves you Bren. Anyone can see that. I don’t know maybe he just wanted to see what it would be like to do the normal marriage for a while instead of just being known as nothing but a fuck buddy for the Mr. Urie.”

“Which is all well and good but now I'm pretty much single. And I hate being single,” I said, clicking my lighter a few times and watching the flame appear and disappear.

“Me too. I've always been one for experimenting though,” he grinned.

“Nah. I don’t think so Ry,” I said, putting the lighter in the ash tray and putting it on the dresser.

“Come on Bren don’t be a spoiled sport.,” he said, crawling up over my body and wrapping my legs around his waist as his lips brushed my neck.

“Ry…”

Before I could object any more his lips were on mine and my head was tilted as I let it deepen eagerly. My back arched against the bed causing friction between both our bodies as I rested my hands on the small of his back. It felt different to what I was used to with Shane, I was always in control, mostly because he had no idea what the hell to do without my instruction. But Ryan’s drunk side seemed to just be filled with more than enough ideas for the two of us. He soon pushed himself upright a little, his arousal still grinding against my own as his fingers began to unbutton my shirt, his lips grazing the bare skin of my chest as softly as if it was a first kiss. By the time he was up to my last button, it was getting harder and harder to pretend that I wasn’t getting hard. My hand rested on the back of his neck, pulling his lips back to my own in a deep intoxicating kiss as he threw my shirt to one side.

It was completely overwhelming yet also intriguing the deeper our kisses got and the harder his hands touched my bare skin in such passionate and yet shaky fashion. I honestly had no idea what to make of it but the way I kept reacting to each gesture all I kept thinking about was him. There was still that doubt in my mine that he was drunk and we were both still on the rebound in different stages. Wanting to be in a relationship because we didn’t know how to exist otherwise, but I’d been deprived of having a body over my own let alone doing so much to make me forget every part of reason. I clearly couldn't ignore him any more.

As his fingers began to slowly pull my zip down, my own hands rested on his hips and rolled us over so he was below me. His kisses remained deep as though he didn’t care about what position he was in as long as he was with me. My hands moved to the hem of his shirt while his fingers unzipping my pants and began to push them down my legs. After a lot of manoeuvring and yet more intoxicating kisses, my hands rested either side of his head in the pillow, making each kiss deeper to the point of breathlessness that for a while I barely noticed the path that his hand was grazing down my torso in the direction of the part of my body was practically aching for attention. Yet he seemed to be moving so slowly, like he was sober enough to realise that he was a virgin where this was concerned and he was worried that he would do everything wrong. 

I could still remember my first time with my first boyfriend. Neither of us had had any idea what we were doing, we had abruptly stopped when we got down to our boxers, staring at each other as though silently praying that the other knew what to do. I’d ended up taking the plunge thus pretty much ensuring my domination outlook on Sex ever since. But unlike all the times I’d been with Shane and the various others since that first time I was perfectly willing to let Ryan take control, to see if he had enough potential and imagination to guess what I liked.

I bit my lip as I looked between our bodies and watched his slender fingers at work, softly grazing up and down my length before his bent fingers seemed to mould to my shape and size. That was when I seemed to stop paying attention, my eyes closing and my back arching against thin air with the impact he had on me. My fingers moved from the pillow to grip tightly into the headboard to give me some balance as his confidence grew and the tip of his tongue grazed against my head. My teeth let go of my bottom lip as a groan seemed to come from deep deep inside and echo around the otherwise silent room. He let a sly smile appear on his perfectly sculpted lips as his gaze met mine before his lips parted and his tongue began to trace random patterns against my length as he moved up and down it. It was something I had never felt before, I was close to an orgasm before he even reached my balls but a seductive voice in my head told me to hold out a little longer, it would be worth it. It couldn't have been more right. As soon as the muscles in his throat contracted against my length and his lips continued to kiss my balls it was then I knew I couldn't hold out.

My grip on the headboard tightened as I rested my forehead against the wall, my body curving into a position I had never known it could take before as I came. I was still panting and my body still experiencing the after shocks as I felt him sit up under me, his hands rested on my waist. He seemed to guide me back to sit in his lap once I got enough strength and his hand brushed my cheek as he looked at me, silently asking if he had done good like a meek little child. There was no way I could fully explain to him how good he had done. I settled for a quick kiss with a smile, brushing his fringe off his sweaty forehead. He tilted his head at me questioningly as he unbuttoned his own pants and tried to push them off, though they were obstructed by my body still in his lap. I pushed myself up on to unsteady knees and pulled them the rest of the way for him. Once both our boxers were gone and I was laid on my back looking up at Ryan, his lips kissing every square inch of my face, I wondered if I should try and give him instruction just this once.

But when he rolled me on to my stomach I knew he had a fair idea. His lips brushed my shoulder blades before he straddled my back, breathing hard against the side of my neck in anticipation. I could definitely relate, my mouth was growing dry and if he didn’t do it soon I was sure I’d dehydrate. His hands traced up and down my sides while his lips kept distracting me with kisses on my back. Soon I felt his body shimmying down my body, my hands rested on his legs to see if he was going to stop which he did but only after pushing my own legs apart. He soon rolled over so his stomach grazed my back and his hands laced with mine, making them clasp into the sheets either side of my head. That was when I felt his first thrust and the curse that followed catching in my throat when he kissed the nape of my neck. 

He thrust again which hurt a little bit less than before and gradually with every thrust I felt myself becoming more used to it and squeezing his fingers senseless less and less. That was when I felt his hands slide out of mine and rest tightly on my waist as he sat up. Finally his pace seemed acceptable, fast and passionate like every thrust before had been done by someone else I didn’t know. He began to pant loudly and I screwed my eyes closed as I knew the end was soon going to come. I heard a slight grunt and the feel of him coming, the feeling that I had become used to over so many boyfriends but this time I felt content and happy. I’d stolen Ryan’s second virginity. I just hoped he wouldn't regret what he’d done in the morning.

He flopped on to the bed beside me, leaving me to collect myself before rolling on to my side and looking at the clock radio on the dresser. Three am and our flight home was at ten, thank god I usually managed to sleep on planes so easily.

“Bren,” Ryan said behind me, the slur seemed to have disappeared slowly from his voice along with his drunken behaviour.

“Hm?” I said, rolling on to my other side so I was looking at him.

A smile was on his face and his fringe was inevitably sticking to his forehead giving him a slight Beatles look which made me grin a little. He was such a perfect person, with a perfect body and the personality to match. The thing at that moment I worried about was him asking me to not talk about this, or maybe even do this in private without telling the others. Would I be able to do that? Sure I managed it with Shane for half a tour but it had been hard and besides Jon and Spencer were smart they’d figure it out in no time if we acted suspiciously.

“Thanks,” he said softly, lacing his fingers with my nearest hand and pulling my hand up so he could kiss the back.

“Don’t worry about it,” I whispered with a smile, kissing his forehead before trying to get off the bed to dress but he refused to let go off my hand.

“No...I really mean it Bren. I, I know I could have done this with anyone else-I could have spilled my guts to anyone else but I'm glad it was you,” he said, trying to pull me back to the bed before I could reach my boxers.

“What are you trying to say?” I asked, reluctantly letting myself be pulled back to the bed and sit beside him with not a thread of clothing on my figure as he buried himself under the sheets

“I want this to be a regular thing between us, but not like you and Shane,” he said, biting his lip as he looked up at me.

“I don’t understand Ry,” I said, though my heart seemed to leap at the possibility of being with Ryan again.

He sighed and bit his lip as his gaze met mine.

“I want us to be together Brendon. A proper version of together.”

It was then it seemed to click and a smile appeared on my face as I looked at him. He wanted to say boyfriend but it didn’t really apply for us yet, but that he was giving me was a chance to be part of a proper couple. With Ryan.

“I’d love to be properly together with you,” I whispered, as I pulled him into a tight hug, kissing his cheek softly.

Fin.


End file.
